In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. A LOOtenant! 10. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. 10. Military 3. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Want more amazing military jokes? If it doesnt move, pick it up. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: But I am public affairs, I said. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. How much noise can we make up here? Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Takeoffs are optional. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? They sure grow up fast, dont they?. No, we dont, she said. Whats an LMD? I asked. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Gary Toohard. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. 33. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? USMC: OHH! Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. She told me she warships them. This happened several times times throughout the flight. How tough? The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. 17. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. She also liked her scotch. I was very nervous, she said. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? 32. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why Do We Celebrate It? Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Eternal Piece 15. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. If pilots screw up, they die. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Read more. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. I say again, stand down and divert your course. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Attention! Where are you from? However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Full Disclosure Here. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Aircraft Engineers 1. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? And )second Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. 37. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. 42. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. R-i-i-ing!) When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. You had tents?" Dad got quiet. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. This is really good, he said. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. There are many branches of the military. 3. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Caller: Is Sgt. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Why? I asked. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Good judgment comes from experience. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. A friend paid my mother a visit. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? 28. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. 2. 8. 3. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. He nodded. 5. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . They cant seem to string three Ws together. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. We recommend our users to update the browser. Even his son turned up. The c.i.a. 1. Semper Pie Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! 44. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Marines Say OOOOORAH! Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. 38. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Speed is life. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Rodrigues there? These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Decodes 7. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? 30. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Did it work? After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. They throw out a pistol. Thanks. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. 4. It took the poor guy all day. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Then one day I couldnt find it. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Why were the Marines invented? An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Theyre U.S. AF! 65. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Rodrigues? Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. What did you do? However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. 1. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? 9. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. 1. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. August 15, 2021. Did you make it all by yourself? 29. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Anecdotes 2. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. I just put them all together for your amusement. She also liked her scotch. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. I was the tallest guy in line. Now he likes peanuts.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Anecdotes 1. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 36. Caller: Is Sgt. 35. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. 39. It took the poor guy all day. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. More information More like this Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. What would As A.J. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Soldier: No, SIR!. As A.J. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. 4. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. What do hungry Marines eat? 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? What are you doing? I asked. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Airmens mess, sir.. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Why won't you kiss me? 11. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. . San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. 9. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. He had the same plane as yours. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. ! The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? "They're all mine. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside..

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