Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. And added to that: if the husband doesnt believe its his issue, hes not likely to be willing to do the work of finding a therapist and getting therapy. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. Did they make the decision she would be the primary breadwinner or is it something that came out of him losing his job or having a job that doesnt pay as much as hers? I dont think you necessarily need to fear him, but as other commenters have said, there are parts of this that seem dangerous and disturbing from our perspective. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. His parents are awful. Not a geographic nexus of evil thats so perfect. If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. I also suggested going to counseling for professional diagnosis and treatment. On work travel, it looks like meeting rooms and the booth in the exhibit hall. I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. (like when one of his good friends turned 50). Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. That option smacks of trying to make OP appease her husband and HIS issues and that is icky. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. The letter writer specifically ASKED about anxiety. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. I mean, she could get kidnapped! It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. In addition to bolstering his position in our argument it had the nice (for him) side effect of alienating me from all of my friends who I believed were talking crap about me behind my back. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Like AAM said it is mostly conference rooms and exhaustion afterword. (Somehow I did survive!). Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. Yes, but even then, not a spouses authority to decide if hubby/wife can go on a trip, business or otherwise. Honestly, it feels awful. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. He is asking the wrong people. hahahah! Absolutely OP should seek out couples counseling, but if the husbands concerns are a reflection or enhancement of their religion or culture, just be really careful in vetting the counselor/therapist they choose to work with. Its not a geographic nexus of evil or on a Hellmouth or anything, cmon! Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. But if all your life experiences back it up, its not until youre faced with a new point of view (i.e., your wife goes on a business trip) that any of these beliefs even come to the surface. my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism. The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. I really hope he is able to get help and you are both able to get to a better way of engaging with each other on this. And when he would occasionally go to conferences for work, she trusted him as well. Instead, things got worse. Can everyone please stop armchair diagnosing? Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? Nope. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. I think Alison handled it extremely well answering the direct AAM-style question (go on the trip for business reasons) while noting the disturbing indicators about marriage that require that kind of outside advice. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. In either case, I should have ended it. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. Time to treat him like a tantruming toddler. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. 1. I am late to this thread but Working Wife, I want you to know that I was in a similar situation when I first married my husband he was excessively concerned with stuff like this, with the subtext that he was afraid I would cheat. In this case, it sounds like OP is bearing the brunt of the disagreement and shes doing the lions share of being patient and accommodating the husband hes not doing much work to accommodate her needs. What happens in Vegas was a successful ad campaign that ran its course a long time ago, not a requirement for how to treat the trip. Ask questions like: Why didnt Iget invited? Then listen carefully asheanswers these questions and try not tointerrupt him orjump inwith your own thoughts onthe matter until hes finished explaining his reasoning, even ifitfeels like aneternity. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. And shes the main provider in the family? He may not listen and will keep bringing it up, but its worth a shot (and then repeating)! Yes, marriage counselling. Is it only the Vegas trip where he has the outsized reaction or is there some anxiety for safety around all trips? I bet youll have a blast. Not a single word uttered). Dont engage with his arguments. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Never mind that this area was completely safe and middle-class; never mind that the apartment complex had 24-hour security; gated parking; never mind that this Mexican restaurant is not a whole in the wall, is regularly featured on Food Network, and is a regular spot for bringing out-of-town clients for virtually every company in our city. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. Or is it just that hes an anxious person in general? But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. They might feel left out or unimportant. Go on the trip. In fact, were you inclined to cheat, you might be more likely to do so in a boring place where theres much less to do (j/k, kinda). Being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk.. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. The memo was a few years old, and it had been issues shortly before an Uber retreat If Im not mistaken it was in Miami definitely in Florida. I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. If you think a situation sounds abusive, please dont recommend couples therapy. Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. When hed worry about what to do if, say, the house burned down while i was gone, I pointed out he could handle it just fine. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. A month? Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. 8 1 11 1. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. Pricey, but worth it! If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. Even with the additional information. Yeah, it might not be the safest if youre wandering around at night by yourself (just like anywhere, really), but aside from being irritated by the smoke in the casino areas, I had no issues whatsoever. When one person in the relationship suggests separate vacations, one of three things happens. Even if it was a relatively nice day, the fact that there was snow on the road would just give him fits. of my colleagues are and having the convention somewhere like Las Vegas brings in more talent from around the world. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Having a neutral third party is really useful. Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. Yeah, I was in Vegas just a couple of weeks ago. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. 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