If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. The best things in life are free. 209. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Short people with an umbrella. The only power you have is the word no. Does it count if you say them in your mind? Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Im describing you. In the morning, I cant get up. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 106. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. He who laughs last didnt get it. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Everyone brings happiness to this office. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Ive got three bones. Have a look! The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 3. 104. 40. So far, so good. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. 222. 218. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. It gets toad away. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 216. I'm doing great. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Rome wasnt built in a day. - Bette Midler. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 79. 1. 116. Microchips. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Effective pushing often involves poop. You never run out of things that can go wrong. And get over it. A wishbone. Im like a postage stamp. Don't forget to be awesome. 197. 186. Effective pushing often involves poop. 218. 86. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Required fields are marked *. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 1. 140. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 150. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. 56. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Honolulu, its got everything. 172. I will smile while I still have my teeth. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. But even if this does happen, who cares? I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. 81. Some people are like clouds. I am happy and joyful. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 202. 1. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. P.D. Nothing, they just waved. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Helen Giangregorio. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 253. 6. Only two more days until Friday.". When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 59. 9. It has nothing new to tell you. - Jeffrey Gitomer. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Charles M. Schulz You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Decomposing. Robert A. Heinlein Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Find a quiet place without distractions. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. The best things in life are free. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 96. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 192. I am awesome. I create my life on a quantum level. Who cares about the future? Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Mind blown! 24. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I am constantly growing and improving. 121. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. ~ Bill Gates. I receive what I believe. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Youre not tequila., 5. 8. 180. I am grateful for all that I have. 160. We have a connection. Because he was always spotted. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Life always offers you a second chance. 72. In the morning, I cant get up. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 265. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Flip Wilson, 263. 49. 85. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Enjoy! Benjamin Franklin. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Bill Murray. 21. 255. 2. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 73. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. My mistakes dont define me. Dave Barry. 129. Read the first word again. 51. I just go normal from time to time. 108. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 277. It will just flow naturally. 65. 4. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. avoid carbs. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 114. 55. 8. -Gandhi. 164. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? And a funny bone. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. When life closes a door, just open it again. 74. ". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 118. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Thank God Im an atheist. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. 146. 131. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. My mind is becoming much sharper. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. With time, I have started to value more time. I dont care! Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I am on a seafood diet. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Good morning! I thought you said extra fries. 50. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Swimming trunks. Life is becoming easier and less serious. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Your life is your message to the world. 247. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 266. 36. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I stick to things until I get to my destination. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 200. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. It doesnt work if it is not open. 1. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Stuart Turner If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 171. I breathe in and out. Stop trying to make everyone happy. - Kyle Chandler. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed.

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